Beware lest
you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.
The only true
wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
As I let go
of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I have the power
to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full
responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
I no longer
need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
In some cultures
what I do would be considered normal.
Having control
over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
My intuition
nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
I honor my personality
flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc
heard voices, too.
I am grateful
that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer
in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
As I learn the
innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
When someone
hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
The first step
is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself.
The third, to
find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to
trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
All of me is
beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
I am at one
with my duality.
Blessed are
the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
Only a lack
of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
Today I will
gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
False hope is
better than no hope at all.
A good scapegoat
is almost as good as a solution.
Why should I
waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
The complete
lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
I am learning
that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware
of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
To have a successful
relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
I am willing
to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Everyone has
a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
He who laughs
last, thinks slowest.
A day without
sunshine is like, well, night.
Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.
I just got lost
in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Seen it all;
can't remember most of it.
Those who live
by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like
I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the
right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Despite the
cost of living, have you noticed how living remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof
to a sufficiently talented fool.
You can't have
everything; where would you put it all?
Latest survey
shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe
fits, get another one just like it.
The things that
come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a
tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently
discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Everybody lies.
But it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
I started out
with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels
faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Blessed are
they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Age is a very
high price to pay for maturity
Experience is
a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
I've learned
that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
Everyone seems
normal until you get to know them.
What do people
in China call their good plates?
What is the
speed of dark?
How does a thermos
know when to keep something hot,hot...and something cold, cold?
What lies before
us and what lies beyond us is tiny compared to what lies within us."
Success doesn't
come the way you think it does, it comes from the way you think."
Life is not
the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
To avoid criticism,
do nothing, say nothing, be nothing
Those who stand
for nothing fall for everything
The lowest ebb
is the turn of the tide."
Always keep
your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Drive carefully.
It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Never try to
teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
King Arthur
Young King Arthur
was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's
youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have
a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question:
What do women really want?
Such a question
would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better
than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to
poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.
He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch--only she would
know the answer. The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day
of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have
to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's
closest friend. Young Arthur was horrified: She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made
obscene noises... etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and
have to endure such a burden.
Gawain, upon
learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and
the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman
really wants is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly
knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch
granted Arthur total freedom.
What a wedding
Gawain and the witch had. Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The
old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.
The honeymoon
hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The
most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him. The astounded Gawain asked what had happened.
The beauty replied
that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self
half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.
Which would
he want her to be during the day, and which during the night.
What a cruel
question. Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in
the privacy of his home, an old witch. Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with
whom to enjoy many intimate moments.
What would you
do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.
Noble Gawain
replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time,
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
What is the
moral of this story?
The moral is:
If a woman doesn't get her own way, things are going to get ugly.
